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Testing … testing …

12/19/2013 - West Side Leader
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By Craig Marks

On the Mark — By Craig Marks

I always enjoy those articles where reporters try out new gadgets, so I thought I’d test some myself. Here are some new products I put through their paces:

The Urban Umbrella

A must-have for those attending rainy Blossom concerts featuring country superstar Keith Urban.

Does it work? Best bought in tandem with the Keith Urban Streaming Service. The service entitles fans who have water streaming down their faces at a postponed Urban concert to see him perform a few days later.

“Waiting for the King” Countdown Clock

Ticks down until the King arrives.

Does it work? Yes, but when ordering, specify whether you are referring to King School, LeBron James or Elvis.

The Branch Office

Inspired by an incident this summer where a protester spent time in a Highland Square ash tree, the Branch Office is a portable productivity suite for tree dwellers. It’s a combination PC, printer and fax machine that’s the size of a bird feeder.

Does it work? Not woodpecker resistant.

Lockheed Martinizing

A dry cleaning service using the latest in aerospace technology.

Does it work? Yes, but, alas, the franchise is leaving the area.


As heard on WNIR for many years, Pie-it! was not for everyone’s tastes but had a large and loyal fan base. Many in the area happily started their mornings with a dose of Pie-it!

Does it work? Pie-it! doesn’t work at WNIR anymore, which is a shame.

Garden of Weeden

For the armchair horticulturist. Look for it to be planted in the dirt several times every Sunday.

Does it work? Best suited for a bench.

Nortones Alarm Clock

This special alarm clock will allow you to wake to the sounds of Norton residents in their natural state, that is, arguing. Can be set to “sewers,” “roads,” “politicians in general,” “iPhone vs. Android,” “Beatles vs. Stones” or “stupid alarm clocks.”

Does it work? Yes, but it would be nice if it had an “off” button.

Hope you get everything on your wish list.

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