Homepage | Archives | Calendar of Events | Exploring Akron | Death Notices | People & Places | Faith & Worship | Panther Telegram | Get email news alerts | About Us

Advice from the prose

2/13/2014 - West Side Leader
      permalink bookmark

By Craig Marks

With the price of stamps being what it is, I chose not to mail out my Valentine’s Day messages this year. Here is some poetry from the heart that won’t be arriving in anyone’s mailbox:

To the University of Akron decision-makers:
We heard this chilly winter
Has knocked you to your knees
At UA just the other day
It dropped 55 degrees

To Judge John Adams:
There once was a plan for a sewer
That was replaced by a plan that was newer
Plan A got your approval
But now we want your removal
Lest we wait two more years till you’re surer

To the Cleveland Cavaliers:
Despite your often horrid play
Please always know we cared
Even when you leave the court
And a calamity day’s declared

To Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic and Councilman Russel Neal Jr.:
When we recall your great debate
We know our favorite bit
When you both looked at each other
And said, “Hey, he started it”

To the Southwest Airlines fleet at CAK
If you’re eyeing Cleveland Hopkins
It might leave you with regrets
The grass ain’t always greener
So, honey, cool your jets

And finally, to Ohioans, who, according to one study, curse more than anyone else in the country:
Our language is salty
Our roads, not enough
Which is why this whole winter
Has been so #$)@# tough

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

      permalink bookmark