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Opinion

Many happy returns? Just one would be enough

7/3/2014 - West Side Leader
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By Craig Marks

On the Mark — By Craig Marks

I know we’re about to celebrate our nation’s birthday, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge another big summer holiday.

Happy LeBron James Day. The actual date of it, of course, was June 19, but better late than never.

As the years have gone by, the exact origins of LeBron Day and its particular traditions — the planting of the deciduous tree, the throwing of talc in the air before the festive meal — have become sketchy. Some historians believe the first LeBron James Day was held in 2010 at The University of Akron, and its purpose was either to salute Akron’s hometown hero or tug on James’ heartstrings to get him to sign a new contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Others prefer to believe the more fanciful tale told in the beloved stop-action classic, “LeBron James is Coming to Town — But Only to Pick up his Mail.”

As we do every year, we present a sample of the poetry found on this year’s LeBron Day cards:

We know you love biking

Let’s go for a ride

Once the sinkhole is patched

And flood waters subside

***

Johnny Football, your new client

Is attracted to glitter

He needs advice and your guidance

And perhaps a babysitter

***

The Cavs picked first in this year’s draft

And while some folks deny it

If they get first dibs in next year’s, too

The other teams will riot

***

The Cavs’ coach once led Russia

So he has got the skill

To answer to a boss

Who exiles underlings at will

***

The rumors are you’re staying and the Heat are retooling

Its stars take a pay cut (and no, I’m not fooling)

You’ll then have the tools to enhance the Heat bench

And throw into the Cavs’ works a big King-sized wrench

 

And finally, a haiku, on the path to acceptance of James’ decision, whatever it will be:

A five-step process

But after the second step

Ref calls a travel

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